feeling like in the fog
No new work in several weeks (months ?) ... I bet you have noticed, haven't you ? I don't have any excuse but having my mind forever distracted.
Since I last told you about my dream to live in a house, somewhere else than where we currently live ... well, things have evolved, or rather, directions have slightly shifted. We were thinking about moving, well, more to the west, and frankly to the north (not naming a town, sorry) but it might not be the best moment for us to go there. (read = we couldn't possibly be able to buy a house if we needed to get there within a six months period)
Now, last month, hubby submitted an application for a very specific job, in an even more specific place, which is not even in France ... oh my. We won't be getting an answer before the middle or end of next month. But in the meantime, he will have to submitt another application, to come back here (back to square one), because working in Paris costs us way too much money. So between staying here another couple of years (minimum) or moving out of the country, you understand that my mind is completely elsewhere. I have been doing lots of researches online, subscribed to many Twitter accounts related to the country, and try to find as many details I can find if hubby would be admitted & would have to start working over there right away (and us living here without him for a handful of months), because that is totally possible.
The wait is going to be terrible. Two evenings ago, I had done so many researches online, my mind was too busy & I was worrying for a tons of very specific things (like how to move Pitou from here to over there, when there must be an eight or nine hours car trip !!! Ugh ! I couldn't get to sleep, and slept really bad that night. For nothing. Because we might even not go there. But we might do too ! I'd say chances are 50/50, or maybe I'm extrapolating, I don't know, I'm really overwhelmed these days.
And time goes by. We're already in January 2016. December with its advent calendar & Christmas holidays, with its neverending grey & mild days, is now history. November with its almost summery temps, and the terrorist attacks, is long gone too. My parents' summer house sale is not over yet, because of stupid notaries, and their main house is not even on the market yet. Things are going so slow, it's just crazy. My dream of living in a house feels just as far & blurry as it has been for years & years now. I'm a bit discouraged, I admitt. Is it a stupid dream, after all ? I don't know anymore.
My creative mojo left me a couple of months ago, and I really hope this means I've reached the bottom of the creative cycle, and that things can only improve from now on. Seeing everyone being so creative & productive makes me feel even worse. Everyone is making new things, is exploring new areas of their creative life, is having creative projects for the future, making collaborations & having great opportunities. Being successful. And I'm here, in my corner, worrying about the future, maybe for nothing. And doing nothing creative. Nothing. Feeling useless, and feeling helpless about it.
You all know my blog has not always been a place with lovely nature photos, of nice food or great travels. It is also a place where I write down my feelings so that I understand them (or myself) better, and so that you know how I feel as well. I'm not unhappy right now. I'm just in the fog, and can't find my way out, if a specific way there is.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for your understanding. Thanks for letting me pour my heart over here.