daily life

you are not alone

I'm simply humbled by all the comments you left yesterday ! I know obviously that I am not alone feeling this way. I notice in your comments that it resonnated with lots of you, one way or another, at some point of your lives. I am not alone, and you are not alone.

Comparing myself stupidly to everyone else around me. Feeling inferior in many ways. Social media is a great thing and just as much a very bad thing ! On one hand it helps us connect with people all around the world (most of them we will never meet), and on the other hand, it shows us what people wants to share with us, and let's be clear, it's almost exclusively the good, the shiny, the tidy, the successful, (sometimes bling bling too), the super creative side of their lives. But seriously whose lives are like this all the time ? Unless you have people working for you, doing all the housework, the food shopping, the cooking/meal planning, the child care etc, in your place, you can't do it all, everyday. Days are only 24 hours long for everyone, and honestly, I personally can't do everything in a single day, most of the time. And for months now, I have been feeling that my days have not been well balanced. Not enough room for creativity. Too much room for (useless, I agree) worry, and I suspect, too much room for doing things that have been my mind & hands busy without too much thought. (read : taking care of my nest & of my family, because I know I can handle, manage, control this - unlike our "close" future ... if you see what I mean ...) At least, writing this down is helping me realizing this.

Of course most everyone is struggling, some succeed more than us, but in the end, there must be something they're not doing well. That's what I have to tell myself. That's what we all should tell ourselves ...

I'm worth what I'm worth, I am capable of what I am capable of (of course I can still improve my own skills or try to develop some new ones) ... and I shall try to do with what I have and be content with that. It's just been easier said than done, lately ... I have not felt very much in peace with myself, with my world, and with the world.

We women put so much pressure on ourselves, in a very unfair way. I tend to think sometimes that men don't feel the same pressure. (or maybe not the same kind, I can't say ...) We want (or feel the need) to be the best mother, the best wife, the best daughter, the best cook, the best daughter-in-law, the best maker, the best neighbour, the best friend, the best homekeeper, the best aunt, the best grandma, the best at eating healthy + keeping fit & healthy, the best { feel in the blank }... everything. Or if not the best per se, at least "good" at all of these ! Which I think is normal, it is healthy to want to be good at something, it's just that us women wear so many hats, and care for so many things AT ONCE. It is tiring, it is exhausting, physically and mentally, to take care of everything & everyone at the same time, let us not lie to ourselves. We often forget ourselves in the middle, which is really so unfair.

I used to be an ultra-introvert. The shiest, most shameful, unconfident, person around. I swear. After I met my husband, I started to change slowly. And writing in this blog for all these years (I almost feel like a dinosaur - writing since the early 2000's), finally helped me feeling more confident, less shy, less shameful. And it has helped me unfolding, expressing myself with words (and not in my maternal language) to be true to myself & to others. Maybe I'm still an introvert, loving more the comfort of my home rather than large gatherings of people, prefering the calm of nature -or my home, again-  rather than the noisy activity outside. Maybe I am not alone feeling this way. Am I ?

I may not like large gatherings, but I oh-so-much would love to invite YOU ALL over here, for coffee, tea, cocoa, muffins, cakes, fruits, champagne, whatever you fancy, to express my most sincere gratitude for your presence, your kindness, your caring, your generosity, your friendship, your sisterly love. Your loving & supportive words yesterday as I was feeling as low as ever, have felt like a blanket of love, wrapping me all over, comforting me like only a mother would do, reassuring me that everything will be alright. You all ladies, friends, near & far, old and new, are an amazing bunch, I can tell you. I am humbled to be part of this community. With the decline of blogging, I thought it was also the decline of this community, but how wrong I was. You have always been there, maybe in different places now, or maybe more silent than before. But you are here, and I'm glad I am not alone. You are not alone, too.

Wishing you all a beautiful weekend. Sorry for another novel-long blog post, I promise I'll make it shorter next time !

xo

Sonia