after the creative crisis

I've been hoping to write this post for a long long time, but fact is I wasn't ready.

During months & months, I've been stuck in what I'll call a Creative Crisis. A real, though one. Thinking about moving, then moving, then settling in, then having house/garden projects (I enjoyed having a garden so very much as you might have noticed on the blog in 2017 !) then .... a mad mad mad case of comparisonitis, a terrible lack of practice, a crazy lack of confidence ... I deeply fell down the creative hole. And I'm not blaming anyone else but myself. Self pity & guilt at its best.

I allowed myself not to force things ... and of course it took months (years ?) until I found the desire to create again. I recently made a gift for a friend, and it gave me a little more confidence, boosted a little more my creative juices ...

And yesterday I picked up something I've left off last summer. I had embroidered a little piece (that was meant to become a zipped pouch) of naturally dip-dyed linen, with naturally dyed silk threads.

I'm done with comparing myself to other makers. The only thing that it did was to hurt myself very much. Not my ego (as some would say) but my creative self.

We all have different pasts, different backgrounds, different histories, different skills, different goals, different schedules, different family situations, different creative spaces, different ethics ... We cannot create the same things therefore we shall not compare each other !

Why have I spent so much time comparing myself to others ? I simply don't know. Doubting about myself, about my ability to create, about my ability to make things that other people might like. I've spent too many time thinking about what on earth people would like me to create. Isn't it just crazy ? Completely insane ? Too much introspection ? I don't know but it's been paralyzing me.

One thing I know now, or what I have understood at last, is that I am myself (pretty obviously) and noone else. I do what I can do, with what I have & who I am. I "simply" have to create things that I love myself (not what other people will like/love). Creating things that I would totally keep for myself will result in creating things that will come naturally to my (creative) soul & hands.

Sorry it's been a lot to read, but it was necessary for me to write this & to explain to you what I've been through. Thank you for your patience.

With love,

Sonia